if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
