can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
