maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
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