you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
bring money and cleavage
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
