my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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