I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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