Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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