I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
