This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
