i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
