i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
