I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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