U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
