K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
