fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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