i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
