genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
