Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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