i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want a musical about memes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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