She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
