I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
