I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize