So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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