We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
