Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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