so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I look better un-naked...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
