"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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