I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
