Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
