I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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