the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
