if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
