You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize