I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
