Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
