He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize