We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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