I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
