i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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