Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
