Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
