theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
