...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
