I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
