The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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