i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
