if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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