her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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