the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish you could order shots online.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize