Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
