We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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