I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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