Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
