your thong is hanging out like whoa
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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