STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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