THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
