we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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