my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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