Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
