it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
