Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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