I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
