if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
