Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
