Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize