Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
