he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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