I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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