it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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