God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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