Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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