i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize