I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
