Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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