So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
