i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
