ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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