...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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