mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
