put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
